Mushin

I suffered on the mat today. I bruised my ego.

I was feeling a bit off to begin with. Then I tried to take an opportunity to practice kaeshi waza, taking shihonage omote and giving it back. My uke didn't get it. He kept trying to jerk away or bear down and force his own shihonage through. A few times I thought my arm would break.

From there I tried to shift the practice to what I call my core responses. Uke attacks shomen and I either take a very immediate and direct entry irimi or, if I'm a little late or the distance is off, I yield and irimi tenkan to the inside for a throw. Again, he fought and resisted, suddenly yanking away or speeding up or bearing down. I felt frustrated. I finished practice feeling irritable and incompetent.

But I've been thinking about it, trying to see what I can learn from a bad experience.

First of all, I don't get to make decisions for uke. I don't get to pick the ideal situation for executing my aikido. Certainly that's true off the mat where an attacker is going to behave unpredictably.

But if all of that is true then it follows that uke can't make decisions for me either. Not if I don't let him. He can be as rigid or as spastic as he wants, but I don't have to let that undermine my response.

That brings me to mushin. The term mushin is derived from the phrase mushin no shin meaning mind of no mind. This is the correct attitude for practicing aikido or any other budo. For me, at my elementary level, it means putting aside my ego and not trying to impose my will on the interaction. I can't decide beforehand what the outcome will be. I can't predetermine the technique.

Today, I was determined to practice what I wanted to practice and when uke didn't cooperate I tried to force it. Undoubtedly, there were other openings, but I couldn't see them or take advantage because I was stuck on my original intention and blaming uke for non-cooperation.

Mushin is sophisticated. Real mushin is beyond me and will be for many years. But I think there are baby steps I can take in that direction so that I have a good practice regardless of uke's attitude.

First and most importantly, give uke what uke wants. Move with uke and don't go against. If that leads to kaeshi waza then great. If it means I take ukemi that's all right, too. Later, I can analyze the interaction and look for kaeshi. But in the moment I must respond harmoniously and accept the outcome as it is.

That said, the more kaeshi waza I am familiar with, the more likely that I will see opportunities when they arise and not be forced to take ukemi. Ukemi is great on the mat, but ultimately, in a confrontation, I'd rather have kaeshi.